Is there anything more important than good communication? Communicate Better Well, I guess so. However, it does not change the fact that once you are with someone, how effectively you know how to talk depends on what you argue about, how often you do it or in what atmosphere you wake up and go to sleep in. In the long run, it depends on whether or not you want to be together at all.
Usually, the importance of a good conversation is only noticed when relationships are tangled up like a lint of hair spit out by a cat. The good news is that you can still do these 10 things:
1. Be positive
What you think about someone immediately sets the style of the entire conversation. Naturally, we interpret someone else’s words by the assumptions made earlier, YourLatinMates.com and you will perceive the same situation completely differently if you have the conviction in your head: “He’s doing it to kick me” than thinking: “He wants me well and tries his best.”
This is important because the moment when you start to interpret the other person’s behavior negatively is also the moment when the whole relationship begins to deteriorate.
I wrote more about the positive attitude in the article: “ It’s nice that you love each other, but are you friends? “
2. Choose subjectivity
Stop judging and ruthlessly judging, and focus instead on your experiences. Don’t say, “This is ugly,” but say, “I prefer other things.” Instead of saying, “Your idea will not work,” say that in your experience it is better to do it differently. It’s not even about softening your messages, it’s about being aware of how little you really know.
3. Remember that conversations end at the temperature they start at
It has been shown that if there is scream, accusation, criticism, or sarcasm in the first three minutes of a conversation, nothing constructive will come of it. To avoid an argument, it is enough to start a conversation without raising your voice or resentment.
4. Say what you want, not what you don’t want
Imagine your guy works a lot. He is laden with papers, and to any sentence he replies: “Sorry, but I don’t have time” or “Can we talk about it in a moment?” You do not necessarily spend time together, you miss his presence and do anything together. If you are not different from most people, you will go to him and say,
“I don’t want you to work so much.”
He will agree, you will be walking in the larks for a few days, and then it will turn out that he did not actually work on the weekend. Instead, he went on a getaway with his buddies.
And well, you cannot say that he did not comply with the request. He wasn’t supposed to work, so he wasn’t working. The problem is, you didn’t say what you wanted. YourLatinMates That you should go to the cinema, go away for the weekend or maybe visit the family together? There are many options, and when someone knows only what not to do, they can choose anything. Not necessarily you.
5. Apologize for your behavior, not for someone else’s feelings
The traditional formula spoken by companies that have spilled a bucket of slugs is, “I’m sorry for those offended.” People in relationships say the same thing: “I’m sorry if I hurt you.”
And that’s a mistake, because if you screw up, don’t apologize for making someone feel bad. Apologize because your behavior sucked. Until you do this, it is not an apology, and it will be much harder for you to forgive the other side.
6. Focus on the positive effect – Communicate Better
The way it works is that we are able to concentrate on one thing and feel negative on average. This is why if you are not to think about a pink elephant, you will imagine a pink elephant. Meanwhile, a lot of messages are formulated in the form of the word “No”. You say to the child: “Don’t fall over”, you suggest to someone who is going on a journey that he should not go too fast, and if he is to remember something, you say the opposite, that is: “Don’t forget …” Meanwhile, it is better to say: “Drive carefully” or “Remember about…”
7. Choose precision – Communicate Better
One of the most common complaints in a relationship is that they don’t show love. But if you say “show me love,” what exactly is the other person to do? This is important Communicate Better because for one person it means spending some time together, for another compliments, and for another one hugging or making surprises.
Therefore, it is better if you say what you specifically expect, eg “Buy me flowers sometimes”. Oh, and don’t think that what you get is worth less then than if you would have guessed it. It’s actually worth more because that person has done something for you that doesn’t come naturally to them to please you.
8. Ask the question “What would have to happen?”
This question is irreplaceable in a situation where someone becomes entrenched in his position and is unable to assume a different position. If someone tells you, “I don’t want to move,” you won’t do anything about it, but if you ask, “What would have to happen for you to Communicate Better want to move?” then you will hear the reasons that block the decision. The difference is that when you hear “I don’t want to”, you won’t do anything about it, but when it comes to specific arguments, you can already decide what to do to make everyone happy.
9. Argue why something is important to you – Communicate Better
Saying, “Can you do x, because y” is a message that greatly increases the chances that your request will be granted. And there’s nothing strange about it, because if you say, “Fill up the car,” “Make a sandwich,” or whatever, it’s an order, request, or whim. However, once you justify it, it becomes a meaningful and important request for you.
10. Talk about your emotions instead of blaming
This is a very powerful tool, because most people have a tendency to let go of their responsibilities and say, “You’re making me nervous,” “You’re being childish,” “You’re making me angry.”
Suppose the person you are with goes somewhere and then gives no sign of being alive. You wait for the call, and when he / she finally rings, you explode: “It bothers Communicate Better me that you are not calling!”
RELATED ARTICLE: 3 Levels of Negative Internal Love Dialogue
The problem is that no one has any power over your feelings, so it’s not that person that upsets you, it’s you who get upset, and at most someone’s behavior triggers these feelings in you. So when you say that someone is annoying you, you are losing control of your emotions (which is a bad idea in itself) and accusing the other person of things they haven’t done (which makes both of you feel bad now).
It’s much better to focus on what actually happened Communicate Better and say, “I feel nervous when you don’t call me because that’s when I worry about you. Will you call me next time when you get there? ”.